


the nights have known

by ienablu



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: F/M, Goat Farm, Post-Movie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-15
Updated: 2013-11-15
Packaged: 2018-01-01 06:13:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1041319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ienablu/pseuds/ienablu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Afterwards, Herc and Mako (and Max) move to a goat farm.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the nights have known

**Author's Note:**

  * For [twoskeletons (Las)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Las/gifts).



> For Las, in celebration. Congrats on your big day, I hope you enjoyed it, sorry this is almost two weeks late, but I hope you enjoy this. <3
> 
> Based on the tags/prompt "I would be okay with Herc/Mako goat farm Christmas in non-AU terms." It's about half a dozen other things before that, but it gets there eventually.
> 
> Draws a few elements from the novelization, and also has mild implied Newt/Hermann. And thanks to my environmental science teacher for all her information on goat farming, even if only a small percentage made its way into the fic.

The nights have been the hardest, as Mako knew they would be. The moments when she is not yet asleep but not still awake feel like the Drift, and she keenly feels the loss she does not let herself feel during the days. The days are spent planning funerals, preparing memorials, participating in interviews. She mourns all those lost, during the funerals and memorials and interviews; but it's not until she and Raleigh are curled around each other does she actually feel it. 

 

She wakes up at five in the morning as she always does, as she always has, and as she likely always will. Raleigh always stirs when she untangles from him, and murmurs that they can sleep in now, before rolling back over and falling asleep.

Raleigh has started sleeping in, and Mako supposes she would enjoy sharing the habit; but even if the threat is gone, they are still at the Hong Kong Shatterdome, the environment remains the same. Besides, there is still much to be done.

Half an hour later, she slips into the Marshal office -- prior for her sensei, now for Herc. Tomorrow is the memorial for the Striker Eureka. They are overseeing the memorial, adding their own finishing touches. It has been a long process, quiet, growing more and more tense as they've approached the day of.

"I don't want to do this," Herc says, looking down the spread of photographs on the desk. There are tears in his eyes -- not for the first time, but this is the first he has not tried to hide them. "This time tomorrow, I want to wake up, back in Australia. On a farm, raising goats. No television, no news, no broadcast for memorials. Just me, Max, a couple of goats. You're welcome to join us."

"We can do that later," Mako replies, evenly. "For now, we owe it to them to finish."

It takes a minute for him to blink away the tears, but once he does, they carefully cycle through the photographs that will be added to the memorial.

 

Raleigh wants to travel. He had gone on trips with his family when they could afford it, and had always wanted to keep traveling, though once joked that the kaiju made it difficult. Now with the breach sealed, air travel no longer as tightly restricted, and the PPDC supplying a generous allowance to Rangers, the only difficulty is deciding the destination.

"You can come with me," he breathes into her hair, one night. His voice is thick, words muddled with soon-coming sleep. "Dunno where you want to go... dunno where I want to go... but we can go."

The offer is fresh in her mind, as the Striker Eureka's memorial concludes, with Raleigh close at her side.

Herc is on her other side, the same tears stinging his eyes that are stinging hers, and his offer is just as tempting.

 

They settle the details over drinks that night. He's looked into the details the past few hours, and he knows a guy who knows a guy who has two acres in Western Australia.

"It's two bedrooms, I was gonna make the one I didn't like into a guest bedroom, but really, I don't suppose I'd have that much use for one." He takes a deep swallow of his beer, then leans down to address Max. "And anyone who comes to visit can sleep with you on the couch."

"Or with the goats," Mako adds.

Herc laughs, and she smiles. He reaches for a new beer, and hands her one as well. "Five at least," he promises, and they toast to it. 

 

Raleigh understands, in a way Mako knew he would. He looks a touch sad, but he smiles, and pulls her into a hug. "Do you have any idea how long you'll be out there?" he asks. It's not pushing or pressuring as the Group had been when asking -- he's coming from a place of genuine concern and curiosity.

"A few months," she replies. It takes a minute, then she shakes her head. "No."

"It's alright," he says. In his voice she hears how she feels, she feels his loss after his brother. "It'll be alright."

She holds him tight, and he holds her tighter.

 

They leave quietly and without fanfare. The appropriate PPDC officers have been notified of their plans, word spread through the crew and technicians, though the news hasn’t spread to the media. Although Herc has been steadfast against a television, they are asked to keep their cell phones on them, in case of an emergency.

Raleigh goes to the docks with them, duffel bags a circle around them. Mako and Herc are to board a cargo ship the few days it will take to get to Australia, while Raleigh has been gifted a motorbike to start him on his travels. He promises to send pictures, wherever he decides to go. And as the final boarding call is yelled out, he wraps her in a tight hug. "Gokigen yō."

She smiles. "Anata mo."

He gives Herc a firm handshake, Mako another quick hug, and then he crouches down and gives Max a good rub under his chin.

 

They arrive in Perth early Sunday morning. They meet the man who Herc knows circumspectly, and he hands them keys to a pick-up truck, keys to the house, and a few other besides, as well as a few sheets of paper. A copy of the contract, a map of the farm, a map of the region, directions the closest town, the best grocery store in the nearest town, the best liquor store in the nearest town.

It's not much, but the man tells them that they should be able to get by.

 

They arrive late Sunday afternoon to the small farm and smaller ranch house. The drive becomes bumpy at the last few meters, when the cement driveway gives way to gravel. The front door has a chain lock, and so Herc heads to the side door near the kitchen, cycling through the key ring -- car key, front door, shed key, side door -- before letting them in.

Max darts in first. Herc takes a few steps into the kitchen, then drops his duffel bag to the ground. Mako follows them in, shutting the door after her, setting her own bag down. They watch as Max weaves in and out of sight, trotting everywhere and smelling everything.

From where Mako is standing, she can see most of the house. It's already furnished, the living room to their left, the kitchen on the right. There's a closet next to the front door, which looks like it can't be opened at the same time as the door. Past the closet is a short hallway, ending in a bathroom, with a bedroom on either side.

"How do you think he will react to the goats?" she asks, as Max passes them one more time.

Herc looks mildly surprised. He never forgot the comment he made, she knows; his surprise is in her own continued interest in the goats. "We'll find out," he says. "Who knows, he might enjoy having a new friend."

"A few new friends," Mako corrects.

"Five at least," Herc murmurs, mostly to himself.

 

The evening passes quietly, as Mako puts her things away in her room while Herc lies on the couch. Raleigh texts her from Huế, asking for pictures, how she's liking Australia so far. She sends him pictures, and tells him she likes Australia, as much as she can having only been there a day. They brought no groceries with them, but the fridge has essentials and leftovers.

They reheat and eat vegetarian lasagna at the dining room table that is too big for the kitchen, and overlaps into the living room.

At the end of the night, they stand in the small hallway, her room to the left, his to the right.

This is the moment of truth -- their plans of moving to an Australian farm and raising goats was a grand gesture. There have been many grand gestures for members of the PPDC, and a number have quietly faded away. Newton has moved in with Hermann (and moved back out) at least three times, by Raleigh's count.

Herc is waiting for her to brush it off, and she is waiting for him to realize that she won't.

He lets out a heavy sigh. His voice is quiet, as he says, "I'm glad you're here."

Then he's turning to his room, and shutting the door halfway, and there's the distant noise of bed springs squeaking.

Mako smiles to herself, turns, and goes to her own bed.

 

Mako wakes up at five o’clock the next morning, and spends a few minutes staring up at her ceiling. The ceiling is not special, and she glances outside to the window to her left, where the sky is still dark. She turns onto her side, away from the window, and tries to fall asleep, but just ends up staring at the door for a few minutes.

She sighs, then pulls herself out of bed, and spends a few minutes stretching. An old ritual, centering herself as she wakes to full alertness.

She pads into the kitchen. Cooking is new to her, used to rations in the mess hall that had already been prepared, but she understands the basics well enough to prepare scrambled eggs and bacon. And although it was heavily rationed towards the end of the war, she has brewed many pots of coffee.

Herc joins her half an hour in, Max's claws clicking on the wood floor of the kitchen. "You're up early," he grumbles.

"As are you."

"Max just needs to be let out," Herc replies, as he heads over to the door to the back porch, and lets Max trot out.

Mako adds a dash of milk to her mug of coffee.

Herc's body language has changed, as he stares out into the field surrounding the farm house.  
"He misses him."

Mako takes a sip of her coffee.

"He keeps looking around, waiting for him to show up." He lets out a rough breath. Quieter, he adds, "He's not the only one."

Mako understands his grief, and understands that there is nothing she can do for him but hold his silence.

He turns to her, backlit by the rising sun, his gaze teary. Here is a man Mako has known since she was a child, and though she has respected him for just as long, as he starts to cry, Mako has never respected him any more than she does in this moment. He respects her enough and views her as equal enough to share his grief, and Mako is warmed by the fact, but she takes it in silence. He rubs at his eyes, and turns around to prop the door open so Max can trot back in.

"That's enough of that," he says. "C'mon, Max, I'm still tired. Wake me if I'm not up by one," he calls over his shoulder, as he retreats.

 

There are shelves of books on nothing in particular, and Mako flips through one idly, and texts Raleigh about Vietnam. He's enjoying it, and he sends pictures of the temples, the bagodas, the shop fronts. He texts her a picture of a vibrant blue áo dài, along with a question mark.

 _Too small for you_ , she replies.

Fifteen minutes later, he sends a bowl of bun bo, half eaten, with an empty water glass beside it. _Too spicy. You want the rest?_ He doesn't wait for a reply, just follows it up with a _bringing you a doggie bag_ and a smiley face.

She smiles. _Max thanks you._

After another smiley face, Raleigh's texts slow down, and Mako resumes reading.

Half past noon, Herc walks into the room. He's in a pair of worn jeans, a heather gray t-shirt, and pulling on a vest. "I'm heading to talk to Peterson. He's looking to get rid of a few of his younger goats. I'm stopping by the greengrocer on my way there, if you need anything."

Mako shakes her head.

He hesitates, just slightly. "You gonna be alright here on your own?"

Mako blinks, and gives him a very polite, "I believe that I will be fine on my own for a few hours, thank you."

"Sorry," he says, rubbing at the back of his neck. He pulls the keyring out of his pocket, and shuffles through a few, before pulling one off. "If you want to head for a walk, I don't think you'd need to lock up, but if you wanted to, here..."

The key is warm as she wraps her hand around it. "Thank you," she says.

"It's good for the side door. Oh, and..." he shuffles through the keyring again. "This is for the shed -- there's some patio furniture out there, if you want to set it up."

 

It’s pleasantly sunny out, and Mako has nothing better to do.

 

Two hours later, she’s reading in a wrought iron patio chair when she sees Herc driving back, far slower than when he had left.

“Five at least, Miss Mori,” he announces, climbing out of the cab.

He circles around to the back, and Mako steps closer, as he unlatches the flap for the pick up truck.

There are five goats milling in the back of the truck, and Herc starts pulling them down to the ground. They’re all white and brown, with the splotches of colors varying from goat to goat.

There's a barking from inside the house, and Herc opens the door, crouching down to get a grip on Max’s collar. "You be a good boy," he orders, before letting Max run towards the nearest goat, who bleats, and scampers away. The next closest goat looks wary, but lets Max aggressively sniff her.

Along with the goats, Herc brings back a few six-packs of beer, which he sets around the legs of the patio table. He toasts to a cancelled apocalypse, and she matches him drink for drink.

One six-pack down, they come to the consensus of playing rock-paper-scissors to name the goats, who so far seem content with their new surroundings, as well as their new friend.

Mako wins the first point. She points out the goat with brown ears, and brown hind legs. “Kitano,” she declares.

"Kitano," Herc repeats, dubiously.

“We can call her Kit, if that would be easier.”

Herc wins the next goat. He points to the one that has brown fur from the neck up. “Alberta. We can call her Billie for short.”

Mako stares at him bemusedly, but he just grins at her, and raises his fist for the next round. He wins again, and goes for the goat that is mostly brown, but with a few white splotches on either side. "Lucy."

Mako takes the fourth. Brown ears, neck, hind legs. "Hina."

They draw twice, before Herc points to the last goat, fur brown around the eyes and on the ears. "Tazzie."

They break into the next six-pack.

“You should send pictures of them to Raleigh,” Herc says, after a few minutes of silence.

“I will,” Mako says, idly. She left her phone inside, but doesn’t feel like going inside to get it. Instead, she settles back into her chair some more, and laces her hands over her stomach, and adds, “Later.”

 

Mako wakes up at five. Although she still goes through a set of stretches, she no longer puts herself through rigorous training. She will ask Herc to spar with her, eventually, to make sure her skills don’t dull. But after living so long with every day being a fight, she finds sparring doesn’t have the same appeal it used to.

Instead, she finds a new morning appeal in showers. For the past eleven years, she has grown up taking showers that lasted five minutes, at a standard warm-ish temperature, with default shampoo and soap.

It takes her a few days -- and a thorough licking from Kit -- to work up to it, but she starts spending six, seven, nine, thirteen minutes in the shower.

As days pass, a routine develops. 

The goats turn out to be low-maintenance -- after milking them in the morning, and making sure their water troughs are full, there’s not much they need. They graze on a blackberry bush under the kitchen window, and a few shrubs planted around the shed.

Once the leftovers run out, Herc starts cooking, and he never really stops. "Before I joined the Air Force, I spent a few months as a line cook. I’m no five-star chef, but I can hold my own," he explains, catching her watching him dice a tomato.

As Mako cannot remember the last time she had a home cooked meal, she doesn’t know if it’s the novelty of the notion that makes his cooking delicious, or if he’s just understating his talents. In the middle of his accounting of visiting a Wat Botum Vathey, he guesses the second, and Mako agrees.

When Herc isn’t in the kitchen, and when Mako isn’t watching him, they spend time outside with Max and the goats. Every other Thursday, they drive into town, and the first time out, Mako browses the body care aisle. There are dozens of shampoo scents, and she goes through each one. When she meets Herc at the check-out, she has her arms full of sweet grapefruit, vanilla lavender, raspberry pomegranate, and rainforest flowers.

He makes a face, and Mako very kindly does not comment on the fact that when she passes the bathroom while he’s showering, she can hear the faint sounds of the radio, and the fainter sounds of Herc singing along. She’s not familiar with most of the artists, but she knows she’s heard Bon Jovi at least once.

In the lazy passing of days, her birthday comes and goes with little fanfare -- Raleigh sends her a collection of small trinkets he’s bought during his travels and calls around lunch; Tendo sends her a bright blue bowtie and a selection of fan mail and birthday wishes; and Newt and Hermann send her birthday cards. There are different return addresses, but have the same postmark, and Raleigh laughs when she tells him this. But elsewise, she woke up, milked the goats, and showered. The only difference in her day is that instead of watching him cook dinner she watches him bake and decorate a cake.

The cake lasts the next three days, and life continues.

 

Mako is milking the goats when she hears Max start to bark in the background. She finishes, pats the goat on the head, pulls the pail away, and starts towards the driveway.

There's an unfamiliar car parked, but the voice enthusiastically greeting to Max is familiar. She rounds the car, and sees Raleigh crouched down, rubbing at the belly of a very content Max.

"Hello," she greets, smiling.

Raleigh turns up to look at her, smile going brilliant. He gives Max one last idle pat, then stands up, and takes a step towards her.

She throws her arms around his neck, and he picks her up as he hugs her.

"It's good to see you," she tells him, as she's set back down.

He touches his forehead down to hers, eyes closing as he smiles. "Same to you."

There's the crunch of gravel, and Raleigh pulls back. "Herc," he greets. "I hope you didn't mind me stopping by -- I just thought it might be nice to visit for a bit."

"It is very nice," Mako agrees. "We have not had any visitors yet."

"I figured it would only be a few months before Miss Mori got tired of an old man's company," Herc says with a smile, though it doesn't reach his eyes. “You’re welcome to stay as long as you like.”

"I'm sure Herc will appreciate having someone else to cook for," Mako adds. She takes his duffel bag, and leads them all back into the house. After a moment, she settles on just setting his duffel bag next to the couch.

“You cook?” Raleigh asks, feigning surprise.

“A bit.”

“A lot,” Mako corrects.

“You take orders?”

Herc just snorts.

"Your hair has gotten long," Raleigh remarks, reaching out and brushing a finger against the blue highlight in her hair.

“You have barely shaved,” Mako replies, with a matching flick at his chin. At his hint of a frown, she says, “It’s not bad. Just different.”

A heavy silence settles over them, but then Raleigh smiles, and asks if he’s going to get a tour around the farm.

 

After lunch, Mako unearths the two staffs she had seen in the shed, and tosses one to Raleigh.

"I play winner," Herc says, sitting himself in a patio chair.

They stare at each other in silence, before Raleigh makes the same move he did last time -- a simple downstroke that stops at the side of her face. She responds with the same deflect and swing down as well.

He's smiling, with the same look of wonder, and it distracts him -- she’s able to bring the staff around and tap lightly against the right side of Raleigh’s torso. "One-two," she tells him.

"I see how it is, Mako," he replies, though there’s still the smile on his face.

They move together with the same ease of their first match, as the score becomes two-two, then three-two. In two moves Mako flips him and scores the fourth point.

Raleigh huffs, but lets his staff fall to the side, and raises his hands up. "I haven't been practicing."

"Neither have I," Mako says, with a shrug. "That is no excuse."

He flops back down onto the ground, and laughs. “You’re right,” he tells her, and pushes himself back up. They bow in unison. Raleigh goes for his staff and tosses it to an approaching Herc, who catches it with ease.

Herc claps a hand down on Raleigh’s shoulder as he passes, a slight smirk on his face.

Mako has never actually seen Herc fight before -- his time in the Kwoon rooms took place before she was in a position to watch, and while Chuck starting a brawl in the Shatterdome was not uncommon, Herc was always too easy-going and too likeable to end up in a fight.

She finds herself at a distinct disadvantage, as she saw more of the Striker’s fighting style in Chuck during his fight with Raleigh, while Herc has seen her training since she was young, and saw her match just now.

He’s good natured, as he calls, “One-zero,” then “Two-zero.”

She gets one point in, tapping him on the left shoulder, but he takes his third and fourth points swiftly.

They bow, and look at Raleigh. He looks between them, eyebrows raised. He holds his hands up in surrender and says, “I think I’ll play with the dog.”

 

They talk while Raleigh throws the frisbee a few times, and while Mako throws it after his arm tires. He recounts all the small details he never texted her, and Mako tells him all the small funny things that never seemed important enough to send. They talk through the afternoon, and through dinner, only stopping when Mako goes to wash the dishes with Herc.

“You look happy,” Herc says, in a quiet undertone.

“I am,” she replies, simply.

And she is -- at the end of the night, Herc offers extra blankets, if any needed. They’re not.

They squeeze into her bed, limbs easily intertwining, and Mako smiles as she drifts asleep.

 

Raleigh stays with them for the next three days, before announcing he has another cargo ship to catch the next afternoon.

That night, she lies on her side, Raleigh curled around her. The minutes pass, but Mako stays awake, and by his breathing, she knows he is still awake too. “Where are you heading next?”

“Jakarta.”

“And after that?”

“I have no idea,” he murmurs. “Where do you want to go?”

Her heart clenches at his question. She had known the question would come. She knows she will go with him, but she does not know for how long.

For the first time, it occurs to her that she can take as long as she would like. There is no countdown, not for any potential attack, not for anything. She knows through Tendo that the UN wants to laud her, wants her in the public eye, but she knows also that Tendo is running interference, running the PPDC as Acting Marshal, letting her take her time.

She saved the world, and now she can go anywhere she wants.

She becomes aware of her prolonged silence, and his tensing muscles, so she says the first city that comes to mind. “Casablanca.” 

He melts back against her, warm and loose. “Then we’ll go to Casablanca.”

“And after that?” 

“Madrid. Then?”

She shakes her head. “I don’t know.”

He pulls her in closer. “We’ll go from there.”

 

The first month passes in a blur -- they arrive in Jakarta in late June. They travel by foot, they travel by becak, they get lost but always seem to find the best restaurants, where Raleigh orders siomay too spicy for him and Mako gladly finishes them for him. It seems like no time has passed before they’re flying twelve hundred kilometers to Casablanca (with Raleigh admitting that he’s been avoiding airplanes, unnerved by being in a large vehicle he’s not piloting, only assuaged by the fact that she’s sitting on his left side). They go to the beach daily, mostly for the novelty of being at some ocean other than the Pacific, though they go a different route each day, Mako favoring the tram while Raleigh enjoys walking. A short flight lands them in Madrid, where Raleigh drags her into every church he sees, and comes away with a new rosary every third church, while Mako gets recognized every other day, smiling and posing for pictures with girls with bright blue highlights in their hair.

 

When they arrive in the Oslo airport, Raleigh looks around, before waving someone over.

Before she can ask who it is, Tendo slides into view, a wide smile on his face. “Raleigh,” he calls out, hurrying over. "And Mako Mori."

"Tendo," Mako replies, feeling a swell of familiarity that does and does not belong to her. The hug is an impulse that is not entirely hers either, but he has been a good friend, or the closest thing she’s had to one, for many years. "It is good to see you."

He hugs her back, briefly picking her up. "Good to see you too, it's been a while."

"Six months," Mako says, though it takes her a moment to believe it.

In that moment, Raleigh ruffles through a pocket. “Speaking of things that have been a while…” he murmurs, mostly to himself, before he gives a triumphant sound, and drops a rosary into Tendo's palm.

"I told you that you could keep it," Tendo says, even as he starts wrapping it around his wrist.

"We stopped by Madrid before this, I picked myself up a few."

"How was it?" Tendo asks, as they start walking to the taxi pick-ups.

"It was really something."

"See," Tendo says, dropping back into step with Mako, wrapping an arm around her. "I spent so long texting and talking to Raleigh about all the places he had gone, that I started getting a bit of wanderlust myself. And with how well the PPDC paid us in the end, and the fact that I was racking up some serious vacations hours, I can definitely afford it."

"When did you two see each other last?"

"He came out to visit for my birthday." 

Mako blinks, and feels embarrassed for missing it. "Happy belated birthday," she tells him.

"And I could say the same to you. Do anything special on the farm for the occasion?"

"A good friend sent me a bowtie,” she says, making him smile. “And Herc made me a cake."

Tendo blinks. "And you didn't save me a slice?" he asks, giving her a slight shake. "I've only had his cooking once, since we spent most of our time together dealing with rations, but man, that brother is one of the best cooks I’ve ever met."

"Or maybe you just only had rationed food to compare it to?" Raleigh suggests.

"No, Herc is a good cook." Mako says, and she narrows her eyes at Raleigh, concerned. “Unless…?”

Raleigh raises a hand. "I know, I know, I'm just teasing. I had the honor of having him cook for me, when I visited."

"And you didn't bring me any?" Tendo asks, frowning some more.

"You are welcome to visit us," Mako adds.

He sobers, slightly. "I’m still working with the PPDC and the UN, and I’m not sure that’d be the greatest idea, but I’ll definitely keep the offer in mind.”

 

Tendo is traveling with his wife and son, and he’s rented a chalet, where they all crash when they arrive.

It’s interesting sight-seeing with another couple of people, especially when one of them is a two year old boy. The days seem to pass slower, especially as Mako keeps watching Tendo, waiting for a moment to get him alone.

He seems to be surreptitiously avoiding her when she’s on her own, but she finally manages to find him late one night in the living room. He’s staring into the fireplace, fiddling with a half-empty wine glass, and he startles when she sits down next to him.

"What did you mean,” Mako starts, without preamble, “when you said visiting wouldn’t be the best idea?”

Tendo leans back in his chair, and sighs. “You sure you want to know?”

She just gives him a stare.

“The Pan-Pacific Defense Corps isn’t really needed now, after the Breach has been closed. Instead, things are being reshuffled, and undergoing a bit of remanagement. I’ll still be Acting Marshal Choi, and probably be put in charge of the Pon/Drift Research Department.” He goes quiet for a moment. “As of the Breach closing, all remaining Rangers are considered inactive. During the war, we kept all Ranger personnel and medical files within the PPDC, but with the revamp for the PDRD, we’re getting new physicians and clinical staff, and some pressure up top to go poking around yours and Raleigh’s and Herc’s brains. Which I don’t think is a bright idea, and I’m trying to convince up top that it’s not a good idea, or at least trying to keep researching on you three at the bottom of the priority list.” He pauses. “Which, with all the remanagement, and ensuing problems, hasn’t been all that hard.”

“Is there anything I can do?”

Tendo stares at her for a long minute. “Take your time,” he says, finally. “Fly around the world with Raleigh, stay on your goat farm with Herc. Could we learn some interesting things from your experiences in the Drift? Most likely. Are we gonna learn it when you’re all still -- when _we're_ all still dealing with the aftermath?”

“Most likely not,” Mako concludes.

“Exactly.” Tendo falls into a thoughtful silence, before he turns to her, looking curious. “What’s it like living with goats?”

“I have pictures,” Mako says, pulling her phone out.

 

After parting with the Chois in Oslo, they travel to France and take a week to walk through Andorra, staying for days in Andorra la Vella. From Spain they fly north once more, this time up farther to Reykjavik. It’s cool, even in the middle of the summer, and Mako spends the entire time adjusting, while Raleigh seems to thrive in the cooler weather. They don't bustle around from place to place, feeling like every second is going a mile a minute, but Mako refuses to dwell on the implications.

After Reykjavik they travel to Nuuk, which is even cooler. Mako still isn’t used to it, while the weather report giving a chance of a light snow makes Raleigh smile brilliantly.

 

Faintly, in the back of her mind, she’s aware that Raleigh is awake as she falls asleep. It comes as no surprise, then, when she feels a hand at her shoulder shake her awake.

“Mako,” he says. “Let’s go make snow angels.”

She stares up at him, blearily, for a few long moments. “Okay,” she finally agrees.

 

They lie in the thin film of snow, just the tips of their ice-cold fingers lacing together.

Raleigh had been in a hurry, and so there was no time for proper snow gear, and the snow and cold are slowly leaching into the back of Mako's jeans. She turns her head to him, but doesn’t say anything.

“It’s funny,” Raleigh says, after a long silence. “I thought I would give you space. But now that I think about it, I think I needed the space more than you. And I think I… I still...”

Mako doesn’t say she understands -- she doesn’t. They felt each others’ grief, but that does not make it identical. The pain of losing Yancy has been hers for months, second hand, while he has lived with it first hand for years. They shared the pain of losing her sensei, but Raleigh only received the impression of being raised by him, while Mako lived through the eight years of it. The only part they share is that the only one who could help them through their grief are the ones they are grieving.

“How long do you think it will take?” Raleigh asks, the warmth gone from the question, replaced by something far more fragile.

Mako still mourns the loss of her parents. She suffers the grief and the grief for her sensei alone, so there is no one to tell her to get over it. It helps, not having to justify the pain, or explain the constant ache, and she knows Herc and Raleigh suffer in the same way, and part of her wonders if that’s part of why the grief persists.

“I don’t know. But we will figure it out from there,” she says, squeezing his fingers.

Raleigh finally turns his head to look at her, and his expression so fond it hurts. He smiles, faintly, and returns his gaze to the dark night sky.

When she stands up, fifteen minutes later, too chilled to remain outside, he says he wants to stay out a few more minutes.

She returns to their hotel room on her own.

 

And then she returns to Perth alone.

 

Mako dozes for the best part of the ride back to the farm.

She gets out of the cab where the driveway turns into gravel, and makes the rest of the way on foot.

Kit immediately begins bleating when she sees her, and Mako smiles. “Konnichiwa,” she greets, crouching down and scratching her under the chin. Kit bleats again.

Immediately following is Max’s bark, and Mako watches as he races over to her.

Kit looks a bit disgruntled as Max pushes past her, but Mako laughs as Max starts licking at her face.

The door opens, and Herc steps out of the house.

“Mako,” he says, looking surprised to see her.

“Herc,” she says, feeling warm as his surprise turns to something far more fond. “It is good to see you again.”

He takes a few moments to look her up and down. "If I had known you were coming, I would have planned to make something a little more exciting.”

It still ends up tasting wonderful, the smell alone being enough to stir Mako from the nap she falls into.

Mako doesn’t talk much, over dinner -- she feels tired, in a way she is not accustomed. At first Herc fills the silence with small updates on the farm, but as he gets her a second serving, he falls silent.

At the end of the night, Herc hesitates in the small space of the hallway. 

He takes a small step forward, and wraps her in a hug. “I’m glad you’re back.”

She smiles. “Me too.”

 

When she dreams of her sensei, it usually is a disjointed recollection, colors faded and distorted, more as if she’s seeing the memories through the Drift than remembering it herself.

Tonight, she remembers.

 

Mako wakes up and the clock informs her that it's twenty-four after three in the afternoon. She stares at it, wondering if it somehow froze during the night. It blinks to a twenty-five after the hour. She stumbles out of bed, and down the hallway to the kitchen.

"Jetlag?" Herc says, as she approaches, not looking up from the stove top.

Mako looks at the clock in the kitchen. Half past three. She opens her mouth to say something, but her stomach grumbles.

"Hungry?" he asks.

"I am starving," she admits.

"It's not quite ready," Herc replies. He gestures with an elbow towards the counter, where there are stacks of vegetables.

Mako mechanically chews a few carrots, but it only makes her hungrier, especially with the aroma wafting from the stovetop. "I'm going to go take a shower."

"Take your time, I'll come bang on the door when it's ready."

"That will not be necessary," she says, mouth full of another half a carrot.

She turns the water on extra hot when she first steps in, head tilted down to let the water work at the soreness of her neck. She works the temperature back down as the ache recedes, and starts moving around the brightly colored bottles of shampoo. She’s forgotten half of them, but can make an educated guess at the light purple bottle, and she spends long luxurious minutes shampooing her hair. She had taken nice showers through her trip, but there is something comforting about the recognition of a chipped shower tile, the position of a shower shelf.

She changes into a blank tank top and a pair of yoga pants, and towels off, but doesn't bother with drying her hair.

"I'll bring you over a plate," Herc says as he hears her approach, nodding his head back towards the table.

She goes and sits down, and watches him eagerly, as he sets a plate down in front of her, ladden with sausage patties, scrambled eggs, hash browns, and more likely hidden underneath.

Herc's nose wrinkles up. "What's that smell?"

"Lavender vanilla."

He runs his hand over the back of her head, his fingers curling in the hairs at the back of the nec. "It's nice," he says quietly, before he quickly pulls away, stepping back to the stove.

Mako stares at him, fork halfway to her mouth.

But he doesn't turn around, doesn't say anything, and Mako doesn't ask.

 

He keeps her distance from her, then.

It takes a few days for her to realize she doesn't want him to keep his distance.

 

"Spar with me," she requests.

He puts up a token protest, but then agrees with greater ease than she would have thought.

There's not the same ease of movements as with Raleigh, but it's not a drift connection she's looking for. Her body hums as they move around each other, an electricity thrumming as they pass each other. She gets the first point, and then rocks up onto the balls of her feet and presses a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

Herc startles, and nearly drops his staff.

She wins the next point in two easy moves, and she keeps her eyes on his as she kisses the opposite side of his mouth.

He swallows, and goes on the defensive, not letting her get another point in. They move easier together now, and it takes him five moves before he takes his first point, landing her flat on her back.

She stares up at him, and waits.

He seems to be going through something, before he finally reaches down to offer his hand, which she allows. He brushes a kiss on the back of her hand, briefly, and looks conflicted as he does so.

It makes Mako feel warm in a few different ways, before she quickly takes her next point, upping her game and brushing a kiss against his lips.

He still looks hesitant, and goes back on the defensive, but Mako knows his movements, and easily scores the fourth point, at which point the kiss is not a brush, not quick.

It lingers for moments longer than she thought she would be granted, and so she tilts her head for a better angle, and puts a hand on the back of his head, pulling him in closer. He's not quite keeping with her, but he's not pulling away, and Mako licks along his bottom lip. Her second hand goes to the hem of his shirt, toying, and that's when he moves, brushing her hand away, taking a step back. He's breathing heavily.

"That's enough for tonight, Miss Mori," he says, not meeting her eyes.

He walks past her, giving her space, and she turns to follow him, and tells him, "Mako."

He turns back to look at her, gaze assessing, and he nods, but he doesn't say her name, and just returns quietly to the house.

 

Days pass, and Mako slowly grows impatient, until she realizes with a stark immediacy that they are in August, today is the thirteenth, and that tomorrow would have been Chuck's birthday.

She remembers her father's first birthday after his death, and she remembers the hardships of the day. She feels the echoes of Raleigh’s grief on Yancy’s birthday. She knows that her sensei's birthday will be much like the same, and knows that it will be the same for Herc.

 

She wakes up to a wet nose ghosting along her bare shoulder, and lets Max out into the field. She quietly leaves the house and milks the goats.

When she returns to the house, Herc is at the stovetop, a pot of coffee brewing, and skillet hot.

"I know we usually head to the store, on every other Thursday, but I don't really feel like making the trip today."

"I understand," she says, and briefly regrets it.

Herc’s gaze turns to her, hard for a moment, but it softens. “Yeah,” he says, voice thick. “I imagine you would.”

 

Along with the essentials, Mako brings back a fair amount of alcohol with her.

Herc looks grateful, and spends most of the day drinking, though he doesn’t start reminiscing until the sun goes down. Stories about his childhood, stories about his teenage years, the things he learned in the Drift, the things he wishes he hadn’t learned in the Drift, the difficulty and strain of it all.

"I know you two didn't get along all that well, especially towards the end, I know it was because he was a little shit, but," Herc says, his voice breaking slightly, "it wasn't all bad, y'know? I mean, I remember, it would have been eight years ago, and he was just turning fourteen, and we were all visiting the Vladivostok Shatterdome. And I don't know what happened, but I was talking to Stacker, and then all of a sudden we realize we have no idea where you two were, and we found you next to Cherno."

"We were pretending we were jaeger pilots," Mako says, nodding her head. She remembers it. They had both been sure that they would end up being jaeger pilots. Two years later, he was, she was not. He was not kind about it, and she gave him as good as she got.

Herc was always different than his son -- while her sensei had made Chuck apologize for starting the fight, Herc came up to her later and apologized himself. He always treated her with far more respect than anyone else in the Shatterdome, and at times seemed to have more faith in her abilities than her sensei did. She knew it was from respect for what was a long-time friend, but ever since he congratulated her after taking down Otachi and Leatherback, she feels like he’s respected her in his own right.

"Yeah, that was back when I thought the kaiju war would last for years, before we knew of the accelerated time frame, before I had to drift with my kid at age fifteen. It seemed easier, back then. Easier than it is now. Because I was Air Force, I know the military, I raised my damn kid in the military, I understood what I was supposed to do back then. Now... I have no idea what I am supposed to do."

"You are supposed to mourn those you lost. Anyone else will tell you that you have to get over the grieving period."

"And you? What would you tell me?"

"There is nothing I can tell you, because there is nothing anyone can tell me.”

He reaches over, and squeezes her hand. “Stacker was a good man.”

“And so was Chuck.” She smiles ruefully, and adds, “In his own way.”

Herc laughs, and raises another beer. “I’ll drink to that.”

When he falls asleep on the couch, she drapes a blanket over him, and presses a kiss to his cheek.

 

Mako knows Herc will not talk about Chuck, but she also knows he will soon bring Raleigh up.

They’re washing dishes, when he does.

"You and Raleigh..."

"He is my co-pilot," Mako says, simply.

Herc gives her a sidelong glance.

She breathes out heavily through her nose, and spends a few moments deliberating. "We drifted together. You have piloted enough jaegers to know what that means, what kind of bond it creates between two people. You should also know that it is not the... end," she says, though she frowns. "I care for Raleigh, and he cares for me. In time, once he's finished traveling, and once I am finished here, it may be something more. But he has his own life he needs to live right now, and so do I. I will care for him deeply, whether I end up with him, or not."

“And do you want to?”

There are many different responses she can think of, and many more different wants she has, but there is only one that matters. She looks him in the eye and tells him, “Not right now.”

 

When he’s not outside idly watching the goats, or preparing the day’s meals, Herc spends a lot of his time listening to rugby matches and recaps. He sits on the couch, more sprawled than anything, feet hitched up on the coffee table, a peaceful expression on his face.

Some days Mako will join him on the opposite end of the couch, and some days she sits in the armchair.

Today, she sits right next to him. She reads one page of her book, then two, then three. Then she leans to her right, pressing against him. She reads another page, and his hand comes to rest lightly on her shoulder, before he tugs her to lean against him more fully.

She smiles, and settles her weight better across from him, and keeps reading.

 

His movements become hesitant, shoulders brushing as they wash dishes after a meal, trailing a hand across her shoulders when he passes in the morning.

She doesn't hesitate with her own, bumping his shoulder, leaning back into every touch, smiling through each one.

 

Herc's birthday is celebrating with just as much drinking and reminiscing as Chuck’s entailed, only there’s laughter in place of tears. He tells her the stories about her sensei that he never did, she recounts how a technician had given her shit when she was younger and how he swiftly grew to regret it, and halfway through the night things get a bit fuzzy.

She wakes up the next morning with the sun on her feet, and she blinks slowly awake, wondering how that works. She opens her eyes, and sees that she is in Herc's room, in his bed. She blinks a few times. She knows she did not sleep with Herc, but apparently still shared his bed. It's no more comfortable than hers, and with two bodies she imagines it will be a bit cramped, but she still turns on her side, and goes back to sleep.

She's dozing when she hears Max's panting as he trots back into the room.

"I don't feel like moving back to my bed," she murmurs into the pillow

She feels his weight settle behind her. "Not surprised," he says, voice still drowsy and scratchy, "that's what you said last night. I told you I wouldn't mind carrying you, but you had already fallen asleep by then.”

 

Two nights later, after they finish washing the dishes, Herc leans down and kisses Mako.

She goes still for a scarce moment, surprised, but then reaches up to wrap her hand around Herc’s neck, pulling him in closer.

He doesn’t pull away, not until they’re in his bedroom, and he’s tugging her shirt up and over her head and throwing it across the room.

 

Mako wakes up at eight o’clock, retrieves their clothing from the far corners of the room, dresses, and goes to tend the goats.

He joins her ten minutes later, plants a kiss on her cheek as he passes with the pails milk, runs his fingers through the curls of her wet hair before breakfast, and nothing changes.

 

Raleigh’s birthday is in mid-December. He’s driving across Canada on the motorbike gifted to him, which he reveals has parts forged from the scraps that had been discarded Gipsy’s restoration. He’s been enjoying himself; it’s not as exciting as driving down the coast of Vietnam, or flying across the globe, but he still has small anecdotes, little things that make her laugh.

Herc pokes his head out of his room, and she waves apologetically.

Her and Raleigh talk for hours -- it’s two in the morning the next day, so she could catch him at lunch time, but she doesn’t mind staying up.

Herc doesn’t bring it up until they’re washing the evening’s dishes. “Does he know?”

“Yes.”

“Is he alright with it?”

“Yes.” When he looks at her, waiting for an explanation, she continues, “What he feels for me, what we may become in the future, it does not matter. Not right now.”

 

As Christmas approaches, they buy a fake tree from a supermarket. He’s used to warm Christmases in Australia, and she’s never had a big celebration for the holiday before, and so the light-up pre-decorated tree suits them both just fine. Herc buys a Santa hat for Max, and Mako buys foam reindeer antlers for the goats. They look ridiculous, and fall off quickly, but Mako is able to snap a quick picture that they print and send to Raleigh, Tendo, Newt and Hermann. They all extend an invitation for Mako and Herc to join them, but Mako finds she’s looking forward to spending the day curled up on the couch and listening the radio together.

Herc smiles when she tells him this, and she smiles back.

This was not how she was planning her life to go, not how she imagined life after the war to go, but she feels content that it comes to this.


End file.
